Transcription:Cut Down in His Optimus Prime
{Several Autobots including Optimus Prime, Prowl, Jazz, and Mirage appear at the top of a cliff above a dam.} PROWL: This is the spot. The Decepticons are using the dam below to stockpile Energon Cubes. {Below, at the base of the dam, Decepticons Starscream and Thundercraker pile up stacks of Energon Cubes.} OPTIMUS PRIME: Megatron must be stopped! Autobots, transform and ro... ooh! Hold on a second. {Clutching his groin, Prime races out of shot. A trickling sound is heard, followed by the sound of a toilet flushing. He comes running back.} PROWL: Are you OK? OPTIMUS PRIME: Let's get 'em! {The Autobots fire their lasers into the Energon Cubes, causing them to explode. Starscream lies on the ground badly damaged, and the Autobots race up and kick him. The "Autobot transition" cuts to a shower room. Ironhide and Prowl are under the shower.} PROWL: I shot the hell out of that guy! {Grimlock flicks Bumblebee with his towel.} OPTIMUS PRIME: Good job, everyone. Megatron was defeated with only fifty humans killed in the crossfire. A new record! AUTOBOTS: Hooray! {Prime runs into the bathroom.} IRONHIDE: Hey Prowl, have you noticed how often Prime needs to drain the lizard nowadays? PROWL: Yeah, he must be French because He's-a-peein'! Ha ha ha ha! IRONHIDE: I think that joke goes "You're-a-peein'." PROWL: Ha ha ha ha! But I'm not. IRONHIDE: Ugh, such a retardicon! {Camera zooms in on the toilet door where the sound of Prime peeing can be heard.} OPTIMUS PRIME: (offscreen) Uh oh. {Cut to Dr. Ratchet's office. Prime is sitting on the examination table.} OPTIMUS PRIME: I didn't think going to the bathroom so often was a problem. but just today I saw blood in my urine. RATCHET: Ewwww! Well, I'd better have a look. {Prime bends over the table. Ratchet puts on a glove and checks Prime's prostate.} OPTIMUS PRIME: Ow! Ooh, err, ah. Using the whole fist, Doc? {Cut to Ratchet and Prime sitting at the desk.} RATCHET: It's what I feared: prostate cancer. And it's advanced. I'm sorry, Prime, but you're going to die. {The Autobot transition cuts to Prime lying in a hospital bed. He watches four birds fly past the window, until one of them is eaten by the Dinobot Swoop. ''Arcee gives him a bunch of flowers, then bursts into tears, and is comforted by Ironhide. Bumblebee takes Prime's hand, but he snatches it away and turns his back on him. Prime looks at a photo of Spike, signed "Prime, You're my hero. Spike". He sobs, tears running down his face. Finally, Prime lies on the bed. He convulses and dies, transforming into a coffin. The Autobots cry and wail. The Autobot transition cuts to Prime sitting on a chair in the doctor's office, alive and well.} OPTIMUS PRIME: Hi, I'm Optimus Prime. What you've just seen was a dramatization of what you, your friends and your family go through if you don't get regular prostate exams. Now, we Transformers don't have organic internal organs, and can't get cancer, but you do... and you can. JAZZ: So get your ass checked out before it's too late, turkeys! {Cut to the Autobot symbol with a caduceus over it.} VOICEOVER: This has been a message from the Cybertronian Medical Association. Cut Down in His Optimus Prime